As Valentine’s Day approaches many of us will have various emotions stirred in us. It may make some of us feel romantic and happy, for others it may instil sadness and loss or loneliness for someone we no longer have in our lives. Others may even feel annoyed at the ‘hype’, ‘what’s all the fuss about’, ‘it’s a rip off’. Whatever camp you are in – there will be an emotion.
As dementia progresses those with a diagnosis may not be able to recall the most recent events or remember the date for Valentine’s Day. However, the part of our brain that holds our emotions, (the amygdala) remains very much intact, even with advanced dementia. Meaning that the person can still feel and respond to emotions. A kind or loving gesture, or a special film, a song or a special place is likely to bring back a warm fuzzy feeling for them, making them feel safe, secure and loved. Please see more information below in a short video clip.
Cast your mind back to when you first started courting or dating. How different was the world then, to now? Did you have favourite places to visit and spend time, are they still there? Or a special film or song that you recall sharing together? Were you the couple who went over the top with your romantic gestures or did Valentine’s Day go by without any mention?
Maybe you are caring for a parent who has lost their partner, possibly a life-long partner. Maybe you are thinking that you won’t mention Valentine’s Day as it may cause much sadness, but maybe Valentine’s Day could become a time for you to create new memories. A time when you talk and reminisce about the loved one you miss. Look at old photos, listen to their favourite music, cook their favourite meal together. Enabling someone with dementia to experience these positive and loving memories with someone else they love will engage their emotions and give them a feeling of giving and receiving love.
In this blog, we will be sharing how to adjust classic Valentine’s Day ideas so that you and your loved one can celebrate together.
We want to give you the confidence to help a person with dementia participate in purposeful and meaningful activities. Despite all the changes that dementia symptoms can bring the need for love, purpose and fulfilment do not deteriorate.
Here’s are some ideas for Valentine’s Day
Help them to make or buy a Valentine’s Day card.
- As a family, spend time with them together, it doesn’t have to be just 2 people together. Maybe watch one of their favourite films, or sporting events from when they were courting/going out. Encourage them to reminisce about it – you may learn something about them that you didn’t know!!
- Help with a meal – help them to chop, measure out and weigh ingredients or do it beforehand so they can add them to the pan.
- Help to bake a cake – help them to weigh and measure the needed ingredients or do this beforehand so they can add them to the bowl.
- Go for a walk – If needed many places will have wheelchairs for hire, they may also have special driven buggy’s that will take you around the gardens. Check with the venue before you go.
- Go for a drive and park at a scenic spot for a picnic in the car (preferably in the rain!!)
- Eat fish and chips at the beach.
- Go to theatre/cinema – dementia friendly performances and screenings are available at some venues through Sussex. Please see the calendar of events for upcoming performances.
Individuals with dementia display so many changes which can be difficult for everyone. They will often not be able to participate in the things they once enjoyed and will begin to need more and more assistance from others. Trying to focus on what the person can do, think about how you can make tasks more manageable for them. Doing this will enable the person to feel more independent.
When you help someone with dementia create a special moment you allow them an opportunity to communicate love for another person. They probably wouldn’t have this opportunity or ability without your assistance.
More than that, though, is your own expression of love. By slowing down, thinking creatively, and filling in the gaps for what they cannot do, they will feel loved.
This is what Valentine’s Day is all about!
As a personal reflection, my husband and I have only ever celebrated Valentine’s Day once. The very first year we got together. We have now been together for 30 years (25 of them married). If or when I develop dementia, I’d like to think I will remember the Valentine’s Day of 1994. We had dinner and spent the night in a hotel that had a jacuzzi in the room (very posh for 1994!). I bought him a Brighton football shirt and he bought me perfume – Calvin Kline Eternity. Overnight it snowed, lots. The following morning, on our short commute to the office where we worked, we had to abandon the car and walk to work together. Quite memorable!
To find out more about how the brain holds our memories please watch the clip below. This is a taken from the Dementia Friends Information session that the Alzheimer’s Society can offer to your community group or organisation. Please get in touch with us if you’re in West Sussex or go to www.dementiafriends.org.uk
