Mother’s Day has always been a special day in my calendar from celebrating with my own mother as a child to celebrating with my own children.
Did you know the history behind Mother’s Day? During the 16th century, people in the UK used to return on the 4th Sunday in Lent for a service to their ‘mother church’ – the main church or cathedral of the area. This was either the church where you were baptised, or the local parish church. Anyone who did this was commonly said to have gone “a-mothering“.
In later times, ‘Mothering Sunday’ became a day when domestic servants were given a day off to visit their mother church, usually with their own mothers and other family members. It was often the only time that whole families could gather. Eventually, the religious tradition evolved into the Mothering Sunday we know today.
Looking back, I can see that my mum Rose lived with dementia for many years. In the early stages her memory was fine, so it was hard to determine what was wrong. She would find it difficult to get into a car but was always able to do up her seat belt. Little things that I took for granted were becoming an issue for Rose. She couldn’t get herself dressed and always carried a large amount of money around with her, just in case as she would say. All worrying but still I didn’t know what was wrong so I seeked help and my mum Rose received her diagnosis.
As her dementia declined, she began to forget significant dates such as my boy’s birthdays, even her own birthday but the one day I was able to hold onto and make sure was celebrated was Mother’s Day.
In the early years of her diagnosis, we would always have a lunch at mum and dads and take flowers round. Mum loved spring flowers. She was a great cook and although it was Mother’s Day, she insisted on cooking but as time went on, I could see this was becoming difficult and was struggling with the everyday tasks we take for granted, like turning on the oven, preparing the vegetables. I had to do something and although it was not easy as Rose did not want to relinquish her kitchen I worked with my family and came up with ideas as to how to change the way we celebrated the day so as not to upset her.
Rugby always fell on a Sunday for my boys, so we took her up to watch the boys play and then would stop off for a Sunday roast on the way home. She would take ages to decide which hat and which coat would be warm enough, but she loved just being there, fed cups of tea and cake and watching her young grandsons run around in the mud. Rose soon forgot about making lunch and just enjoyed the day for what it was, a family day out. Surrounded by the family she loved but I still got her flowers and a card. I just hoped that when she looked at them it might stir a memory of a lovely day that we all had together.
As her dementia progressed, she sadly moved into a care home, but we still took her out, down to the local pub for her Cinzano and lemonade, packet of cheese and onion crisps. These are memories that I and my family will cherish for ever.
Now as a mother I am keen to make my own memories with my family, whether it is a special meal out or just a day with the family being together is what matters even if it is a video call if loved ones are living away from you.
