Horsham funeral director, Freeman Brothers, was established in 1855. The company has assisted many people in over 165 years of service, and now has further offices in Billingshurst, Crawley, and Hurstpierpoint. Members of the team are often asked for their advice on planning funerals in advance. Here, Community Co-Ordinator, Becky, shares her thoughts…
There are some practicalities regarding funerals which can’t be arranged until after someone has died, but that doesn’t mean that nothing at all can be done. For those who wish to make either financial provision or note of their preferences, there are options available, and I’ll take you through each.
Talking about funeral wishes
Lots of people are frightened of talking about funerals but having been doing it as my job for the last six years, I can assure you that simply talking about death doesn’t make it happen! After someone has died, we are often told that those deciding want to do what the person would have wanted, and this is very difficult if you haven’t discussed it in advance. Even if you don’t make all the decisions, making some and letting your wishes be known is helpful.
Funeral choices you can make
The first choice to be made is what you would like to happen to your body. In the UK, you can currently choose to be buried or cremated. Some people also wish to donate their body to medical science – this involves filling in paperwork yourself before you die, and we also always advise that you make a backup plan clear, as authorities cannot always accept bequeathed bodies.
Whether you go any further than advising your loved ones regarding burial or cremation is up to you. If you would like to think about other choices, these are some things to consider:
For burial: where you would like to be buried – is it a church (and is the churchyard still open for burials?), or other religious space? Or would you rather a cemetery or natural burial ground?
Natural burial grounds will have restrictions regarding coffins and shrouds, so this is worth looking into
For cremation: do you have a preference on crematorium?
For any scenario: would you like there to be a full service held, and if so, where?
You could also think about songs or readings you’d like to incorporate, who might lead the service, nominating a charity to receive donations in your name, a dress code for those attending, and any other personal requests.
If you are struggling to start, we sometimes find that people find it easier to think about what they don’t want, rather than what they do want. For example, some people can’t bear the thought of being buried; others dislike hymns; or it could be that you don’t like cut flowers. If you have a strong preference for what you don’t like, that can lead you towards what you do appreciate.
Funeral conversations and Dementia
Discussing the end of life with those who are living with a degenerative health condition can seem particularly difficult. Some people will take a very pragmatic and calm outlook, others will be frightened or resistant. It’s important to recognise that all responses are valid and remember the benefit to be found from these conversations.
With those who are experiencing changes to their personality or memory, you may wish to have a conversation sooner rather than later, to ensure that you fully capture the person’s wishes. Other people find that it’s a case of doing a little bit at a time, to manage energy levels effectively – again, the only right answer is the one which works for you.
If a conversation about funerals is too hard…
We encourage people to write their thoughts down and store them somewhere safe. It is strongly advised that funeral wishes are not kept with a person’s Will, as a Will is not typically read prior to a funeral being arranged. The details can simply be stored in an envelope, in a location known to those who will be deciding.
Freeman Brothers is proud to remain independently-run, and advice will always be given without obligation and free of charge. To learn more about the company, visit their website.
